By F Murden
It's hard to nail down exactly why women cheat, but one clinical psychologist believes that it is not at all uncommon. It's just that women tend to keep their affairs to themselves.
In fact, Psychology Today estimates that between thirty and sixty percent of women have had one or more extramarital affairs.
And unlike the affairs that men have, a woman's affair is usually quite serious, and is mostly a cry for help.
A woman usually only considers having an affair when she's not getting her needs or desires met at home. And it usually starts when a woman begins to feel that she can no longer reach her mate on an emotional level.
This often results in a genuine feeling of loneliness in her relationship. She finds that her relationship with her boyfriend or husband lacks passion. He no longer pays the same attention to her that he once did. And many times the focus in the relationship shifts from the personal connection they once shared, to the acquisition of things, the daily grind, getting to work on time, taking care of the kids, relaxing in front of the television, making lunches, paying the bills and so on.
Gradually the sense of intimacy and emotional attachment they once shared is replaced by a feeling of being taken for granted and a lack of caring.
Frequently a woman will leave a relationship emotionally, long before she has an affair. In fact women are much more interested in leaving a relationship altogether than are men.
And a woman gets much more involved in an affair than a man would. They see it as an alternative or replacement to a situation that isn't meeting their needs.
But the good news is that women are less likely to have an affair on the spur of the moment. They tend to analyze the situation and let it simmer for a while.
Winifred Reilly, MA, MFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Berkeley, California says, "Women don't easily have an affair...they really can recognize the risk for them."
So what is the solution?
Clinical Psychologist Frances Cohen Praver, PhD says, "It isn't only that they desire emotional engagement." He continues, "Devotion, love, and commitment without passionate sex, fun, and excitement is the steak without the sizzle. For wives to feel sexy they need the sizzle."
So here's a couple of tips for putting more sizzle back in the relationship:
* Stop taking her for granted - pay more attention to her.
* Start dating her again. Make time to spend together. Bring her flowers. Make the time with her special.
* Look into her eyes when you talk to her - gaze deeply like you used to when you first met.
* Plan and execute a romantic 'surprise' getaway for the two of you and don't let anything get in the way.
* Touch her more often, and more sensuously, showing that you love her.
* Send her flowers in the middle of the day and for no reason at all. The card might simply say, "Thinking of you."
* Spend more time together. Go for walks. Hold hands. Talk. And listen to her when she talks.
* Leave her romantic little notes. Hide them. Create a trail of notes with a small gift at the end of the trail.
* Turn the TV off for the night and read to her or play a game.
* Compliment her. Say "I love you" while gazing into her eyes. Send her a text message with "I love you" or "Thinking of you."
* Make love more often and more intimately. Make it about her - not you.
* Help cook the meal. Help clean up afterward. Make her breakfast in bed.
* Praise her - respect her - trust her.
* Hug her for no reason at all.
* Flirt with her.
The important thing to remember is that she's feeling lonely, taken for granted, in need of attention, and feeling like the passion has left the relationship.
So stop taking her for granted and start taking her out more often. Stop paying attention to the TV and start paying more attention to her. Put the sizzle back into the relationship.
If you follow these suggestions, you won't ever again have to ask yourself why women cheat.
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